I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
