Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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