Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
