You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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