I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
