Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
