She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
