Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
