so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
