There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wish there were birth control emojis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
