They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
