i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
