Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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