Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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