Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
