why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
