If i come over, it means nothing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
