so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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