he puts the penis in happiness.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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