I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
