We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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