I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
