If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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