OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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