She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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