bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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