I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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