3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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