You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
whose parrot is this?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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