I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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