I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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