I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
