I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
