just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
