So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
