it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
