You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
