Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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