i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
