Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
