I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
