the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
either way he was missing a nipple.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
