like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
