i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drake has all the answers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
