You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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