I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
