Non-Jews are for practice
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My ass is underappreciated
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dick very happy bro
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
