in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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