I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
