So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
