I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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