lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
