he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
