proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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