He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
